So here I am, just a few days before Christmas, (and respecfully acknowledging, one day before Eid ul Adha, one week from Kwanzaa) sitting in front of my computer surrounded by Christmas cards bearing wishes of joy and peace and a buddha figure sitting right in front of me (i need all the help I can get to remember to be mindful at work)
but the thing is.. that i’m just not full of the Christmas Spirit
Of course, one of the main reasons is that today marks the 3rd anniversary of the passing of one of my best friends, Gulane Warsame. (I miss him dearly). That being so, I find myself full of ups and downs, my monkey mind is doing a dance the likes of which I haven’t seen in a while.
Moments and thoughts of grief, sadness, frustration (especially at this time of christmas shopping) interspersed by brief flashes of gratitude, compassion and joy (especially when talking to my friends reminiscing and joking around) have me caught in a chaotic whirlpool.
For me this holiday season and my mood as of late is particularly emphasizing what I feel is in direct opposition to what should be important to me..
Everyone is in a rush, everything is hectic, last minute plans, gifts, reminders..busy busy busy.. and my own schedule keeps getting busier! I have fallen into the same trap as many of those around me.
How can I be full of Spirit when I am full of everything else??
Zen speaks of emptiness as does Christian Mysticism (albeit in very different ways) and apparently I can’t seem to make space for either of them!
Where are my moments of stillness and contemplation?
Even when with loved ones, I seem to be missing out on the comfort of just being present together in silence. Being Empty of “Me” and full in the feeling of ”WE”.
So Santa if you are out there…. my Christmas wish this year is that I may open a gift of Emptiness. Or perhaps you can arrange it so that I become an empty vessel which Spirit can fill up?
I’m cool with either one.. I’m not picky that way. Oh and if you hadn’t noticed, yes, I have been a pretty good boy this year.
May this holiday season bring you ALL Emptiness and Peace!!